Different Strokes -A New Mother

After all, adoption is just another way of starting a family. And FAMILY just means one thing, Father And Mother-I Love You!!

Adoption has been my most rewarding life experience. Bangalore city has a very progressive outlook -people are not too conservative, they have an open and positive approach to a sensitive issue like adoption. We were lucky as we didn’t have to field too many questions from neighbors; they were friendly but not inquisitive. However, several people expressed their sympathy openly (and apologized for even asking); when we said we had no children. Relatives thought we were plunged in sorrow due to our childless state.

In a country like India, where too much importance is given to progeny, we were the scapegoats of anyone who chose to elaborate on the subject and offer unwanted advice. A few lady colleagues cheekily said that I was lucky not to have kids! I was a free bird, they enthused-I could pursue my career without any family responsibilities. An elderly lady who resided in an old age home that I once visited, (her children had deserted her) actually said that I was blessed to be childless, she too wished she had no children! A close friend advised me to try all medical alternatives first-as far as possible to try to have a biological child-adoption, she said, must be the very last option; when all else failed!

But adoption was one of my very first options, not the last, as many people assumed. Many of my cousins had adopted kids, they were very loving, affectionate and devoted to their parents. I had seen them grow into responsible adults. This definitely helped me take this decision early in life. God’s gifts may be a little delayed, but there is never darkness in His realm. When He closes all doors, He always leaves a window open. It is also He who gives us the strength and courage to find that window in time.

During the long wait before we got our baby, I learnt quite a lot about the adoption process. I joined a yahoo chat group called Adoption Experiences. This encouraged me to be optimistic and stay motivated. During Adoption Awareness Week, I read an interesting newspaper article that gave details about various adoption agencies in India. I mailed some senior people in the field, who were very nice, answered my queries patiently, and gave me valuable guidance. My spouse was extremely supportive right from the beginning, which I’m thankful for.

We joined SuDatta-an adoptive families support group in Bangalore. Their parent preparation workshop (meant for aspiring parents) was very useful. SuDatta makes us feel that we are part of a large extended family, which has something in common binding all of us. We as adoptive parents really felt the need for a support group to take us through tough times and unexpected difficulties that can crop up (and of course to share the good times as well!). Only people who have been through the same experience can fathom our feelings during the adoption process and afterwards. It’s great knowing that as our children grow up, they can share views and discuss issues with their peer group adoptees. SuDatta is a platform where we can voice our opinions freely without being criticized or misunderstood.

I still vividly remember the day we went to see our baby. We were full of excitement and trepidation, our hearts beating wildly. The first time I held the baby in my arms was the proudest moment of my life-I had become a mother! Then, there was a sense of calm and fulfillment. We had reached the end of our rollercoaster ride; our emotions swinging between two extremes-we were smiling through our tears; laughing and crying at the same time!

The morning on which the baby was to come home, we awoke with a strange mixture of thrill and nervousness. This was something that neither if us had felt before. It was a new dawn-a new beginning for us! We felt we had been given a second chance to start life afresh-forget all past fears and insecurities. My long-cherished dream of adopting a child was coming true at last. We had spent a sleepless night, yet were raring to go!

The baby brought into our home more happiness than we had thought ourselves capable of feeling. We now realized how empty our lives had been without a child. Friends and relatives thronged to see the long-awaited addition to the family. It was a momentous occasion; I felt triumphant, proud and cheerful.